I can't remember not wanting to be a photographer.
On my 10th birthday my parents gave me a Pentax camera. From that moment on photography has been part of my life. Although having said that I realize that, since my father was a very enthusiastic amateur photographer, photography has been a part of my life since birth. It was also my father who thought me how to develop film and photographs in the dark-room. In fact he converted our bathroom into a darkroom and I kept doing this until I move out. In hindsight this must have driven my mother mad. I never heard her complain though. I only remember my parents supporting me.
There hasn't been one moment in my life that I did not dream of being a photographer. Travel the world and shoot pictures for National Geographic. There also has not been a moment in my life that I allowed myself to believe I could actually be good enough. And.. to be honest, I also wanted to be a painter and a musician. I still do...
But photography is the one thing I wanted the most. Therefore it made me the most vulnerable and consequently it became the one thing I shied away from. Pretended not to care about. I'd rather be bad at something I don't care that about that much.
What has changed? Nothing really. I'm still dreaming and still insecure.
But I've failed so many times at so many things by now that I know that falling down and getting up is the only way to learn.